truth is- I walked away from God.
I was tired of being the good girl who was left with an empty heart. I spent years being that good girl who always felt so crappy b/c no matter how much I improved it still wasn't enough. So I choose to follow love. The Love brought me back to God then away again. Now its been over a year on my own. Time sure does have a way of running away with its self. Life has escaped me and has left me in quick sand of un balanceness.
Now I dont know where to go. Well I have ideas. But one thing I do know is that I think I miss God. I miss that connection with He who made me. But the truth is, I dont know if I am ready for religion. I am enjoying being free of guilt and should be. I dont really know what this means for this super Christian southern girl.
But what I still ache for are the fufilment of empty dreams, of the empty space next to me in bed. I ache for the carefree old me- that seemed to breathe in life with a smile upon her face. I miss good music, poetry, quiet evenings with the sound of crickets, a garden, free time, free space, room for creativity. I miss love. Right now, heartache is my contant companion.
So I am sheading off the things that make me sad. I am going to try to live life as a artist. Lets see how that works out.
