Click it' N Get it

truth is- I walked away from God.
I was tired of being the good girl who was left with an empty heart. I spent years being that good girl who always felt so crappy b/c no matter how much I improved it still wasn't enough. So I choose to follow love. The Love brought me back to God then away again. Now its been over a year on my own. Time sure does have a way of running away with its self. Life has escaped me and has left me in quick sand of un balanceness.

Now I dont know where to go. Well I have ideas. But one thing I do know is that I think I miss God. I miss that connection with He who made me. But the truth is, I dont know if I am ready for religion. I am enjoying being free of guilt and should be. I dont really know what this means for this super Christian southern girl.

But what I still ache for are the fufilment of empty dreams, of the empty space next to me in bed. I ache for the carefree old me- that seemed to breathe in life with a smile upon her face. I miss good music, poetry, quiet evenings with the sound of crickets, a garden, free time, free space, room for creativity. I miss love. Right now, heartache is my contant companion.

So I am sheading off the things that make me sad. I am going to try to live life as a artist. Lets see how that works out.

Flight

Taking control is the best form of flight.

Time to take flight.
Time to plan.
Time to enjoy.
Time to focus.


About time.

Flight

Taking control is the best form of flight.

Time to take flight.
Time to plan.
Time to enjoy.
Time to focus.


About time.

one more day

one more day to fill what was left behind by him
one more day to try to do better than before
one more day to try to find how the old me fits with the new me
one more day to decide how to move forward
one more day to finally live the life that i want
one more day, to just be me.


truth is, i am fighting for more. fighting for me finally standing up and taking control. for living a life that i want. problem is , all of the dreams that i want mean i have to sacrifice other dreams. do i save up- work until next summer and then go live abroad. will that mean that i miss out on marriage and babies? or is this dream of having that love and family just simply something thats not in the cards for me?

nothing about life turns out the way i thought it would. the more i live the more i see that life is really about me. me making choices and going after what i want. time doesn't sleep. so for right now, i will work and dream - dream of having time to garden, to cook, to read , to have good conversations filled with laugh lines and love.

so for now, i will work and continue missing. missing those dreams, love and what i want.

LIfe

Finally seeming to sit comfortably in my skin and what life is truly about. thoughts are clearer.
life is still ever racing by.
but i suppose its meant to do that.

letting down all of the walls

this weekend i found complete happiness in the simpleness of life. there is something to be said about lettings yourself be connected to another human, to allow yourself to be cared for and loved. as i journeyed in allowing myself to be connected to another i found such healing. such warmth and kindness, such safety and rest. To realize, that life really isn't all that complicated, that people don't fit into stereotypes or that we have to be defined by pre-set notions rather just to open our eyes to see the beauty of another . i found myself wrapped completly in a place where i was forever changed and i relish in every single moment.
I am completly O.K. about all of it

a little time with me

i had some family in town for my brothers wedding and we took off to lake ella for an afternoon. i found myself with my camera actually shooting images that i wanted to catch. i see these images and it gives me faith in love and beauty. something that i want to be , become apart of and to have more of in my life. its the first time in a long time that i took pictures of something that was close to my heart.